Early Snow

Early snows leave me plastered to a window,
Oohing and aahing as each flake falls...
And watching the gentile dance
As time slows down
And they glide gently earthward,
To lie together.....and melt.

Putting What’s Important, First

On the first of the month I woke up very early, excited to get started writing, which I did.  During that time, I detailed my writing goals for this month.  The next 30 days would provide me the opportunity to commit to something that both calms me and energizes me.  It would be my “window in” to actually being, or at least thinking of myself as being a writer. 

And then, something happened….life.  And while the energy of that first morning’s writing experience kept me excited (from time to time) throughout the day, I entered into a bit of a zombie work zone.  With a pre-planned day in mind, one email that indicated I had a window of less than 8 hours to complete two extensive reports put me into hyper-drive and threw most other plans out the window.  And so, I had to prepare my mind for the numbing task before me.  I was able to complete both reports by the time the systems were locked at the end of the day, but the price I paid was a few bites of lunch eaten quickly at my desk, one abandoned meeting, very stiff shoulders and neck, and feeling far less enthusiastic about sitting down and writing some more, because I wanted to, because it was what I wanted to do it.  And well, besides that, I didn’t have the time.

Left the office, fought the traffic home.  Years ago I swore that I wanted to live within 10 minutes of work.  I have yet to be able to make that transition for myself, even though I hope firm to the belief that it would add tremendously to my quality of life.  So 50 minutes later, I arrive home to find I’ve been saved from making dinner because my children don’t happen to be hungry at the time.  Well, at least I got a few minutes there! 

What do I do with my new found time?  Breathe, relax, bathroom, walk the dogs, check the mail…that was quick, now I have to go again.  Take my daughter to cheering, well actually, she drove.  So I can relax as I ride along in the passenger seat, ever vigilant to make sure that she is paying attention to all of the complexities of driving etiquette and road rules.  May be not all that relaxing.  After dropping her off, I go in search of the apparently elusive single-subject, college ruled, spiral.  Two drugstores, who both think these items are gold and have given them a price point of $5, and a dollar store that does not believe in college ruled notebooks, later I finally find what I’m looking for.  Oh good!  Just in time to pick her up. 

Back home…it’s make her sponge-bob macaroni while she showers and then we sit down to fast forward through the previous night’s 2 hour episode of “X-factor” at lightning speed.  This seems to be an urgent thing because she does not “like watching the show alone” and she hasn’t been able to go into Instagram because she follows many of the contestants and doesn’t want to find out the results before watching the show.  11:30, I finally crawl into bed, but even though I’m exhausted, I find the desire, time, and energy to write.  …but I don’t post.

That is a long chronicle of day 1…and then day 2 arrives.  Nope, I didn’t wake up early.  Work has its own set of meetings and tasks.  Once again, lunch at my desk and various to-do’s…get home about 7 after picking up something for dinner that was fast, but at least healthy.  Eat, once again sit by my daughter’s side and watch TV, every time that I move from my place on the couch I get the evil eye and I’m grilled with, “Where are you going now?”  So I find myself having to announce every time that I have to go to the bathroom.  Or just saying that I am so that I can move from that spot. 

And so I woke up this morning before my alarm would have gone off had I set it.  What?  It’s Saturday, I could or should be sleeping, so instead I lay in bed, pretending to relax and thinking about all I have to do and all that I want to do.  I have (yet more) reports that are still waiting to be done.  I have to go to the office for some presentations (yes, on Saturday).  I have to find the needle in the haystack and search my storage unit for my older daughter’s diploma(s).  I’ll be happy to find one.  I mean, when items were boxed, we didn’t exactly index each item that was put inside.  Every time I’ve moved, I keep thinking that maybe I should, but that’s probably a story for another time.  Which brings me to this post.

In all of the things that consume my day, I often find that I leave out the things that I want to do that are important to me.  The things that may, or may not, change my life.  But regardless of how earth shaking they may be, given how my writing makes me feel, it should be at the top of my list…and not at the bottom, or not on my list at all.  So if I learn nothing else this month, I hope it’s to make the time to put what’s important first, or at least make sure it has a place.

Finding a path
To wildly run
With passion
Takes a step
and then two more
Its there, waiting
I just have to find
My way to get started

Facing a Challenge - Setting Goals

I can't wait to get started!  Hooray!  Oh my God, what did I commit myself to? November will be a writing month!!

November.  50,000 words.  Digital Writing Month. Academic Writing Month.  50,000 words.  I actually did the math.  50,000 written words means that I have to write 1,666.67 words each day.  OK, 1667.  Wait!  Don't I already do that?  Don't I already write more than that many words in the emails and other documents that I write for work?  Don't I clearly write more than that many?  I started to panic as I began reading the posts on Twitter, those who are overwhelmed by the challenge.  Well, this is the start of my journey.

Excitedly, I awoke this morning at 4 a.m.  Don't know why my body chose to wake up at that awful hour, for no apparent or good reason, but I did wake up and I had writing on my mind.  So, after 40 minutes of reading email and twitter and thinking about writing, I actually decided to write.  Thankfully for anyone who reads this, I didn't write my ramblings here.  But I decided to write my goals for the month.  And here is what I discovered.

In writing my goals, I started writing them as, "I want to..."  After rereading two goals, I decided that "I want to..." was too weak of a start.  It's like dreaming to leave your house while never getting out of bed.  Like a friend of mine says, "Ya just can't get there, from here."  So, I changed the start of my goals from "I want to..." to "I'm going to..."  I felt better about this because it implied action rather than just desire.  But, when I got to my personal goals, I felt weak about the "I'm going to..." beginning because while it implies action, it doesn't actually require or direct it.  Hmm, may be all of those life coaches are right when they direct you to write your goals like you are already doing them or achieving them?  May be that's why they make the big money?  So, now I need to go back to my goals, revisit and rewrite them.  I want to do this anyway because I want to make them portable.  Rather than words on a document on my computer, I want them to be my map that I carry around with me.  I can pull it up and review it so that I know that I'm heading in the right direction; so I can refer to it when I feel like I'm getting lost. 

Between my writing document that I started and this post, I've already written over 1,900 words.  That exceeds my daily goal, and it was extremely easy to reach.  See!  I was right.  No reason to panic, this will be easy.  But I have a feeling that if I stick with this, I will accomplish some (wonderful) unintended consequences along the way.  I'll keep you posted on my progress.