I battle demons

I battle demons
That speak
In softened voices
As though they were friends
But with
Sharp as knives prose they slice
And cut away at my foundation

They are the enemy
And yet they are me
They are afraid

As I defend against them, I give them strength
To tear at me.
For they know my deepest secrets, fears
I fight to unmask them. To sit them in the corner
where they will but wish to be a wallflower, to dance

And with a hidden heart, a sacred weapon,
I love them
For they are me, they are afraid, they long to be more

I lean

I lean
Eyes closed
Back against your chest
Finally, I exhale
With each patient breathe you rise and fall
And I fall into your rhythm
Together
Your arms encircle mine
Speechless
Your breathe against my neck
And as my fingers brush against your skin
It tingles, feels electric
Yet still and quiet
So calm, so alive, so perfect

The music through the phone
Turned up to high
To drown out the fear...

No

Its turned up in the hope
Of turning the world on its head
Or me on mine

It bangs on my ears
I turn inside
I try to connect
To the beat
Outside my reach

Its a shield keeping me from feeling
In ways I don't want
Its out of my grasp
And I try to reach
And hope I'll be pulled through
Hoping
And still no closer
It becomes a sound
beating
against deaf ears

Fall Space

I'm in a space
Where color changes are few
Feelings left out of sync with other places

Where I know the future holds changes
That are bold and bright or dull and nondescript
But of my making

The oranges of the autumn burn of time left behind
But they also whisper of renewal and promise
To shed, and grow anew, and this time in a new direction

Embrace the early dusk, it is but a season
Let it share it's breathe with you through crispness it crackles
Embrace it's sharpness and draw in the kindling

Build it, stock it
And light it's fire. Feed it generously.
With brightness ride it's flame to the next season forward

It is warmth, it is light, it is you
When we can move from leaf dropped to new tomorrow
We can fly, and float in the wind ... For there really is no fall

It's Not that I don't hear

It's not that I don't hear the words...

Before, I never believed in them
So I never knew their depth
How they'd reach down inside
Tie roots to my soul

It's that you did
You said them
And now you don't

The words that took me so long to believe, to believe in
The ones that you were the only one to say, ever
And now you don't

And they're nowhere now
May be like me
May be they were never, never were